When it comes to dating, what are we to trust? Do we trust our hearts? Do we listen to our head? Or do we, well, how do I put this delicately? Do we follow our, um, nether regions? As a single woman in my 30s, I’ve done it all. Each path has, in certain instances, proven to be the right one. And in others, it has proven to be dead wrong. So, it’s hard to know. It’s hard to choose. And it can be hard to trust these approaches that have sometimes led me down a painful road. What I do know, however, is that no matter how hard I fight myself at times, I always end up going with my gut. Is that the reason I lay here tonight in a bed rustled on only one side? Maybe. But my gut instinct is killer strong. And even though it has tossed me into some murky waters, I’ve learned valuable lessons. That’s gotta be worth something.

Any rational, intelligent and sane woman in her 30s (or beyond) could be married. I’ve had my chances. I’ve been in relationships headed in that very direction. But in each instance, something wasn’t quite right. I had to trust my gut that there was a reason for my reticence…that there was a reason, in cases, for his. And although my experiences have found me where I lay today, writing to you about the life of a 30-something single woman - I have to believe there’s a reason for it. Because I am happier today than I ever have been. I am more confident. More self-assured. Stronger in my convictions, and most times, I hope, I helluva lotta fun to be around.

In recent months, as I’ve gotten my health in order, my career on the right track and set my sights - more intense than ever - on seemingly unattainable dreams, my life has begun to fall into place. I’m surrounded by a loving family, great friends, and, yes, more charismatic, talented, and interested men.

I’d heard it all before: if you do what you want, if you seek what you hope to achieve, and if you set your mind to living your most amazing life possible, the rest just simply falls into place. That’s hard advice to swallow when you’re in the dumps, or in the throws of a shitty relationship. But it’s true. It doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t happen without effort, or painstaking insight…taking a good, hard look at the mistakes you’ve made, or are currently making, and making a damn genuine effort to do the work to change it. It’s not easy. But it is SO worth it.

So, I sit here today. A woman who has experienced both sides of life. One with little insight and effort, and one in which I’ve taken a good, honest look at where I am, and where I want to be. I understand now more than ever, the old adage: Nothing good ever comes easy. It’s so dead on.  Remove the excuses. Toss out the bitterness. And just do the work to make it all happen. The reward is really interesting and incredibly ironic. If you do the work, it all suddenly becomes very, very easy.

Back to my initial question. What do you follow? Your heart, head, or…ya know. I think I’ve learned that it’s a bit of a mixture…a decision stew. With your heart leading the way, and your head and crazy 30-something sex drive riding along in the passenger seat. And never, ever, forget - or worse, ignore - your gut. It used to save you from wooly mammoths. Nowadays it saves you from unruly men. And may bring to you someone you never, ever expected.

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