I love a good cliche.  Not because I’m a lazy writer (which many of the hoity-toity grammatists would claim), but because cliches really hammer home a point - in a succinct and expedient manner.  And who doesn’t like a quick fix?  Can I get a “hell yeah” from the Crackies?

Think about it.  Which would you prefer to read:

“Sometimes we feel down. Our lives have no meaning. We want to have Jane’s life or Billy’s job or curly hair. We feel alone or regretful and don’t realize the blessings right in front of us.

Or,

“The grass is always greener.”

See?

How bout this one…

“He just wouldn’t shut up about it. On my ass 24/7. I mean, what the hell am I supposed to do, rewrite history. C’mon dude, let it go!”

Or,

“He was beating a dead horse.”

Think how much time the properly dished cliche can save. No extraneous words to read. No tired, bleeding eyes (ok - it’s possible that’s an exaggeration). No jobs lost for spending two hours digesting every single useless word of that crazy, single, cat-lady’s blog.

And instead of reading drivel like this:

“The guy’s a pervert. He pinched my ass in the hallway. Gave me the creepy-eyes at the bar. Insisted on accompanying me to the ladies room. Even asked if I was wearing granny panties.”

You can read pithy little one-liners, like my all-time favorite:

He’s as horny as a three-balled cat.

A three-balled cat.  You’re imagining it, aren’t you?  You’re actually visualizing the third ball.  Would it hang lower?  Are there three in a row horizontally?  Or are they in a vertical line like a tiny little poolstick?  Only a cliche can take you there.   And, oh, what a frightening, colorful place it is.

My love of cliches, however, can be tested.  And (although I hate to side with the exclusive grammatists), they can be overused. Take, for instance, the pre-or post-game sports interview (pick a sport - they all do it).  Sound familiar:

“We gave it 110%.”

“We just gotta come back fighting.”

“We’re taking it one game at a time.”

“It’s our game to lose.”

“They wanted it more than we did.”

“There’s not “I” in TEAM.”

“A ‘win’ is a ‘win’.”

And my personal fave:

“We’ll have to put this loss behind us.” (Astros fans know this one well)

These one-liners…in and of themselves, are perfectly acceptable. But in sweaty locker rooms, they’re often strung together like sausage links with nary an “and” or “but” to dull the repetitive pain.

Maybe I could teach a class.  I’ll call it “Surprising the Press” or “Waking the Dead”.  And all would be invited…players, coaches, hell, even Roger Clemens (although that may be a separate class - “Controlling Your Anger So As Not to Add Credence to Legal Claims”…I’m just sayin’.)

The main lessons? 

“Break it up boys.  Give us a breather.  Throw something new in the mix.”

And, if by some stroke of luck he’s suddenly single, I’ll ask that they please pass my number on to Brad Ausmus.  After all, “it’s better to have loved and lost…”

 

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