Filed under Anomalies on July 9, 2008
Did your parents ever say (back in the day when spanking wasn’t a capital crime) “this is going to hurt me more than it hurts you”? I don’t think I truly understood the gravity of those words until I got older…and was spanking my first boyfriend (just kidding, Dad). Seriously, though, until you understand guilt or empathy, you just don’t get it.
I don’t have kids - so I’m not doing any spanking (not that I’d admit to it if I was), but I have had “verbal discussions” with loved ones or colleagues. And, to be honest, it’s possible I’m known as a bit of a “conflict avoider”…so when I do blow, I’m not sure I handle it with total grace. Sorry, Oprah. I’m a work in progress.
I guess I need to get my Psychotherapist mother to weigh in on this one (and I’d like to hear from the rest of you as well - marrieds and singletons). If conflict is unavoidable (and/or necessary), when do you handle it, what is the best way to handle it, and how do you do so without living with days or weeks of guilt?
I’m a 30-something writer/consultant in the Marketing industry. Woo hoo! I was born and raised in a suburb outside of Houston, and moved back here from New York City in the Summer of 2003. more »
They Just Said...
I’m the oldest of three girls. Somehow I just end up as the mother hen of every group. This persona goes everywhere with me and it’s like a light switch that goes on when I see someone being less than nice. Obviously it comes out with the sisters, and my girlfriends, and a few times even in the office (that’s always fun). Office situations I handle in private always and never yell. Outside of that it varies. Depending on the offense there may be yelling involved. But my usual MO is to go quiet. Calm myself down. Then address the issue with the person. This is something I’ve worked very hard on because I have a temper and a super short fuse.
But if it involves my sisters and me, or mom and me, then forget about it. We’re fam. We don’t hold back. But we make up fast too.
Boy - isn’t that right! When it comes to family…all bets are off!
Thanks for the comments - calming down is key…and sometimes very hard to do. Kudos to you for realizing it and at least trying to implement that approach.
We, as females, are many times avoiders of conflict but in order to feel positive about ourselves we need to advocate for ourselves. As long as you are able to release the anger before responding the result should be positive. Keep it honest and true to yourself with “I”statements and appropriate language. When it is over you can look back and feel good about how you handled it regardless of how the other person responds.
LOVE the new look! Of course, there is a cat! A shout out to Sushi and Roscoe! Damn, I miss those cats! They’ll never leave the Farrell Spa though! Miss ya and love ya! –Kara
Hey, you look good in pink!!
Im late on this one! Ok- Ill chime in! I believe in spankings- Surprised? I dont mean beatings!! I mean a swat on the boote’ etc. Its just that I am out places and I hear kids mouth off and i think - ok- my face would have been gone if I said that! Or kids just being crazy and out of control and I think to myself- no one must have shown them who the boss is in that kids life. Ok- I dont have kids…maybe b/c I would beat them?! jk!! LOL Noooooo - thats not whyyyyyyy!! Thats another topic!!! But I have taken care of kids and I believe in a few warnings and then consequences. Thats how life is right? Oh and Nikki- I spanked my boyfriends/husband too……RESULT?- they know who the boss is
lol jk!! ha!
Im in random comment mood today- sorry!