A few weeks ago, a friend of mine chose to avoid a social event for a reason that some might find ridiculous or vain.  She had several large zits.  You know the kind, the under-the-skinners.  The doozies that no amount of makeup can conceal, no matter how liberally applied.  I call them “beacons”, because, like a determined lighthouse guiding home a wayward ship, they shine their bright light for all the world to see. 

As you might guess, I didn’t blame my friend for her decision.  I mean, let’s face it, sometimes we have physical issues that affect us emotionally.  And as long as we don’t let the state of our external beauty rule our every move, a bad day over a zit is allowed.  It’s OKAY.  Slather on the creams, climb into your pajamas and sit down for your 81st viewing of When Harry Met Sally.  There will be another party next week.

What did bother me, however, was the guilt she suffered over allowing those few red dots to determine her mood.  Because that’s what we do best, right ladies?  We expect so much of ourselves (and sometimes so little of others) that guilt becomes our constant companion.

Why didn’t I finish that project?  Was I too hard on him?  Is my kid unhappy in daycare?  Why can’t I lose that last ten pounds?  Am I doing a good enough job?  Why can’t I be more confident?  I know I can be a better mother/girlfriend/wife/writer/employee/volunteer, etc.  

A woman’s tendency towards guilt often finds her mired down in the “coulda, woulda, shouldas” of life.  And for what purpose?

As I watched Boston Legal last night, a concoction of crushed Tylenol and water slathered on my own blemished chin, I asked myself one simple question:  What do I feel embarrassed/guilty about?  And in the spirit of growth, I forced myself to follow-up each statement with a solution.  This is where I ended up:

I feel embarrassed/guilty that…

I made a paste out of Tylenol and water and slathered it on my chin…all in a last ditch effort to eliminate several blemishes before a friend’s wedding this Saturday.  Sorry folks, this one ain’t gonna change…as long as I have the occasional zit, I will blindly experiment with the latest “cure”.  I will, however, refuse to feel guilt over that decision.

I’ve vacuumed four times in the past week, but it took me three days to pick up a hairball (weak gag reflex).  All hairballs will be picked up within an hour of being expelled (unless expulsion occurs between the hours of 12:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m.).

Once a week, I go through the car wash at the Exxon/Mobil station because I keep forgetting to put new washer fluid in my car.  Windshield wiper fluid to be replaced today, and if it isn’t, who gives a crap…at least my car is clean.

I continue to buy pretty new underwear, but just end up going back to my old favorites.  I vow to break away from the favorites at least twice a week (baby steps).

I let someone else convince me that I didn’t need to learn desktop publishing.  From this point on, I will make decisions about my life - on my terms.  Period.

I stayed blonde for as long as I did (no offense to the blondes out there…it just wasn’t the best look for me).  Problem solved.  The brunette is back, baby…she’s back!

Over the years, I’ve lost touch with some good friends.  But this blog has reconnected me with many.  Am I right ladies (and gentlemen)????

I still can’t go into a store and buy just tampons.  I will pad the purchase with a magazine or a lint brush refill or toothpaste so it appears the “feminine” products are not of an urgent nature…merely an afterthought.  Hmmm…can I at least get a pack of gum?

Sometimes I don’t think before I speak.  I’m a dichotomy…see next statement.

Sometimes I think too much before I speak.  See above.  I’ll work to find some middle ground.  At least I’m aware of it!

I don’t totally “get” Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth.  I’ll utilize those things that I do understand, and not feel guilty about those I don’t.

I may not be living up to my full potential (according to the teachings of Eckhart Tolle).  I’m gettin’ there…a work in progress.  Cut me some slack, Eckhart!

I sometimes have big ideas that linger, never see the light of day, or produce less than impressive results.  I’m a pretty responsible person 98% of the time, so I’m gonna let the dreamer in me off the hook.  In fact, it might be in my best interest to devote more time and effort to that 2%…you only have to get it right once!

I can’t stand Elmo (sorry, Henry).  If I could take Henry’s giggly little Elmo throne and creepy big-eyed slippers and toss them into the nearest trash receptacle, I would.  But the intense annoyance I suffer when subjected to Elmo’s maniacal laughter pales in comparison to the love and adoration I feel for my precious little nephew.  Elmo stays.  Sanity leaves.  Sometimes compromise is the glue that holds life together.

If I had more time, my list would, no doubt, continue on.  But, without guilt or fear that I’ve done something half-ass, I give you the above…nothing more, nothing less.  And I ask you, my brilliant readers, to pass on your sources of guilt…and how you plan to rectify them.  Go ahead…open up!  It’s liberating!

 

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