Here’s my question tonight…does life control us…do we control life…or is it a combination of the two?  As I flew back from San Francisco yesterday and looked out my window seat at the beautiful Sierra Nevadas below, I asked myself that very question.  The truth is, intrinsically we all know the answer, don’t we?  If we sit in our homes with our heads buried in our pillow, life will rapidly pass us by, and it will take with it all the squandered opportunities.  

I don’t sit here pontificating from my pedestal - quite the opposite, actually.  I’m just as guilty as the next, maybe moreso, of allowing fear or exhaustion,  heartbreak or complacency to keep me from pursuing passions…pushing boundaries…living up to my full potential.  But there is a fire in my belly - as I’m sure there is in yours.  And there are moments in my life, as frightening as they initially seemed, where I risked it all, calmed the butterflies and went for it.  As you might suspect, these decisions brought with them tough lessons and sometimes, great victories.

Eight years ago, I peered out another airplane window at the imposing Manhattan skyline.  It would be only my second trip to the city, but this time would be different…this time I wasn’t coming home.  A written description of my feelings at that moment would pale in comparison to reality.  But suffice to say, I was a mish mash of emotions:  fear, excitement, sadness and elation.  I was leaving my family, but I was starting a new life.  I’d never felt so alone, but I’d never felt so alive.  And as I looked down upon that amazing city, I knew, in my gut, I would never be the same. 

My years in New York taught me a number of things, but most importantly, it revealed to me my true strength and drive and slapped me in the face with the knowledge that we must push through our fears and face the unknown to find out what we’re truly made of.  Had I ignored my wanderlust…had I casually ambled my way through the safe and familiar, I would have robbed myself of the wonderful feeling that independence and progression and, yes, fire-bellied fear brings.  It wasn’t the obvious that changed me - the big agency job, the trip to the Empire State Building or the dueling billboards in Times Square.  It was the little stuff:  the early morning walk in my Upper West Side neighborhood…when the streets were quiet and it felt like the city was all mine, the first meeting with Diann and Milan…two people that are not just friends, but soulmates, afternoon-long “consumption” sessions with Dawn and the crew at the Spring Lounge, or McAleers or the Streetcar Cafe, and a million other nondescript moments that made it my place…my life.

I did miss my family, but the time away only strengthened our bond.  And when it was time to come home…when it was time to decompress and reevaluate and temporarily bury my head…they were there, as they always have been.  The past five years have brought their own lessons, growth, precious time with family and some amazing opportunities that would probably have escaped me in Manhattan.  I delayed my trip to San Francisco…put off Milan and Dawn for months, or if I’m truthful, years, because I think I knew what it would conjure up, and I wasn’t ready.  But the time has come to jumpstart the learning curve of life, push through the fear and raise my potential bar once again.  And what about you?  Are you ready to pull back the covers, open the curtains and let in the sun?

<< Back to the blog